The Selfishness of Self Preservation

Have you ever had one of those days where you felt full? I’m talking over your head in emotions and thoughts to the point where you feel like you can’t even handle the thought of THINKING anymore? When you’re drowning in a sea of paperwork at your office and facing a week full of booked appointments, while knee deep in chores and tasks at home, with friends and loved ones who are demanding your time and attention. You’re struggling just juggling one task after another and they seem to keep coming nonstop! If anyone knows the feeling of being full, lacking mental capacity to even motivate yourself to complete the tasks at hand, I assure you I’m that person.

Just as our phones and other electronics need to pause, recharge, and reboot to get back on track, so do our brains! It’s important for us to recognize when we are nearing that point, so that we can avoid the overheating meltdown that is inevitable when we don’t give ourselves the breaks we need.

There is nothing wrong with saying “no” to a person who’s seeking your assistance because you‘re all tapped out for the week. And you shouldn’t feel bad about it! It’s perfectly fine to ignore that phone call from a friend who’s calling with her own personal issues; ones you’re just not well enough equipped to give advice on today. I’m sure she would much rather waiting to talk to you, than to have you half heartedly listening to her situation or having a biased opinion on things because of your own personal state of mind in that moment. Go out and enjoy a night alone without feeling bad for not inviting others to join you; sometimes you just need space and peace of mind. Take a trip to the mall and buy yourself a pair of shoes without feeling like you‘re obligated to buy some things for your children or spouse right then, too. You deserve to #TreatYoSelf once in a while without regret.

Oftentimes we feel bad or allow others to guilt trip us when we choose the selfishness of self-preservation. Honestly, though, I am at a stage in my life where it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve gotten to that “meltdown” point once before, and I refuse to go back there again. Any person who loves you will understand and respect the boundaries that you put in place to protect your mind and your personal energy. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to constantly pour into others without recuperating and making sure that we, ourselves, are okay on the back end. But HOW?

You’ve got to recognize the signs and know what types of things trigger you both emotionally and mentally. Make “notes to self” so that as you are pouring out your energy, you are working equally as hard to replenish.

What types of things bring you peace and tranquility? I, personally, enjoy listening to old school music and writing. I enjoy reminiscing on my life through music and movies and viewing the pieces of my past from a different perspective. Sometimes when I feel like I need to reboot, I dive back into the things that remind me of my childhood and make me feel young and fresh, like a kid again. I find myself coloring, doodling, or doing a puzzle just to escape the day. I’ll turn my phone on "do not disturb" mode and dive into a good read through my Kindle app, and by the time I’ve finished I feel anew. My recharge may look different from yours, but you have to find your own niche and what works for your mind, body, and spirit. No one is going to take care of you like YOU will! Selflessness is great and all, but without self preservation, what would you have left to give? I’ll leave you to ponder that.

With love,

Tenacious T

Taking Flight: Destination determined yet uncertain.

“I am not who I was, but I am who I was always meant to become.”

The sound that the engine of an airplane makes as it passes overhead nearby has always had the power to send me into a euphoric daydream. It’s a brief yet blissful escape that may result in one of two ways once I’m jolted back into the reality of my daily responsibilities; I am either deeply motivated to take action on the plans I have for my life, or I am taken aback by the “fantasy world” I have created for myself, as if there is some firm distinction between who I am and who I hope to become. I mean, is there, really?

When we impose a sense of separation between the person we are today and who we aspire to become in the future, disparities arise that cause us to highlight our deficits, or whatever we are lacking in that moment. A major fallacy is that the two (who we are and who we hope to become) are not one in the same. This train of thought can be a major hindrance that leads to being unprepared for opportunities when they arrive. Once they present themselves to us, there’s a great chance that they will slip between our fingertips because we were not yet ready to receive them.

It’s pivotal that we behave and perform now for the roles we hope to attain. We’ve got to stop planning to get ready and just focus on BEING ready to flourish now and being prepared for that next big step, whatever that may look like for each of us on an individual basis. For some, it may mean taking the initiative to write an action plan for your business start up, even though you may not have funding or assistance with your organizational goals in the present. It could also be volunteering or shadowing someone in the field that you hope to break into, even though you aren’t able to secure a job in that industry right now. For someone who has hopes of becoming an actor, for example, it can be as simple as attending more plays, reading scripts, or practicing the lines of your favorite monologue in the mirror every morning. Whatever it is that you want to do, the best way to be the person you hope to become is to simply BE that person every moment of the day and to become the embodiment of who you were already created to be.

At times I know that I can be my own worst enemy, right along with the fears and doubts of others that I allow to be projected onto me and the way I feel about my own capabilities. We have to make the decision to put an end to self doubt; to erase the distinction between “me today” and “the person I am becoming”. With this entry, I am proclaiming a new personal credo: “I am not who I was, but I am who I was always meant to become”. I am a mother. I am a scholar. I am an educator. I am a writer and a linguist. I am a model in EVERY essence of the word. I am a leader. I am an entrepreneur. I am an activist. I am a philanthropist. I am all of these things, and none of these things because ultimately I decide when, how, and if my life is going to take flight. I know where I am headed and the destination I want to reach, but will I get there?

Join me on my journey as I rummage through the trials of life and share with you my triumphs and defeats. It is my hope that through blogging and vlogging on a weekly basis I will:

• Encourage readers to take control in the areas of their lives that are manageable as I navigate through my own endeavors.

• Inspire others to engage in meaningful discourse that has otherwise been seldom discussed in a public setting.

• Promote awareness for social, cultural, economic and political issues that exist causing the disparities that so many of us face in our day to day lives. And,

• Create a sense of mutualism between myself and my readers so that you may gain insight and learn from my life experiences.

Thank you for reading, for your continued support, and for your insightful feedback via comments or connecting with me via social media.

Signed and sealed,

Tenacious T

Photographed in Charlotte, NC at the first annual Inspire Model's Inc. Flight 1118 Runway Show. (2013)